Where all the good guys are

Where all the good guys are -- Women always seem to ask me where all the good men are, as if these near-mythical dudes are hiding behind bushes, chained up in some vampire's basement, or are just rare and elusive, like the snow leopard.

Normally, I have to resist responding, "Maybe the good guys are just avoiding you."

But the answer to this frequent, lovelorn lament is simple: The good men are right under your nose.

And that's the damn truth. That's right, ladies. The good men you pine for are right there, all up in your grill, listening to your bellyaching, patiently enduring your inability to manage your own flamboyant, capricious romantic expectations and dreary reality.

These good guys are co-workers, classmates, and, most importantly, friends. You officially have my permission as a relationship expert with a Ph.D. in Broken Hearts from the University of Feelings, Emoburg campus, to fall in love with your male friends.

I blame your gender, after all, for inventing what The Frisky site refers to as "The Friend Zone." It's not a "zone." One loses weight in a "zone," or tells time there. Or learns a dark lesson about human nature during a twist ending.

No. "The Friend Zone" is actually a gulag. The Bermuda Triangle. A cruel little exile. Right now, there is a man in your life who feels you in his teeth, but who walks around with an "F" for "Friend" seared onto his forehead by a glowing-red iron you keep perpetually cooking in the furnace of your heart. You cannot think of him "that way."

At what point did he go from potential dating material to platonic bestie? Possibly the moment he started remembering your favorite alcoholic drink, instant messaging you about "Mad Men," and listening to you drone on about your thighs, again. Because love is intently listening to someone repeat themselves.

This dude adores you and you are denying yourself potential joy because of some imaginary rule. The heart is a frontier full of peril and plunder, and you should not be afraid to explore what lies beyond hastily built fences.
I'm not saying men and women can't be friends. We totally can. I won't confirm the famous lesson from "When Harry Met Sally," which remains smug Baby Boomer treacle.

I don't want to sleep with all my female friends. I've thought about it, but I don't think that's gender-specific. Just human curiosity.

So do it! Hook up with your dude friend. Life is too short to be afraid of ruining a friendship, especially if there's a chance you could be more to one another, like epically cosmic lovers worthy of your own constellation in the night sky.

Friendships are as fluid as romances; they can end as suddenly as they can begin. In many ways, they're overrated. You know what's not overrated? Love. It's awesome.
We're talking about the meaning of life here. And it's to find someone whom you can grow old, fat, and ugly with. Our romantic rituals revolve around complete strangers negotiating for sex, then attempting to become friends. It's as if our society demands there's a dating you and a real you, and a relationship happens when two people agree to abandon the mutual lie. Cut to the chase. Friends already know how to play, laugh, and forgive each other.

Two of my longest relationships were with women whom I had been friends with. I loved them both, initially from afar. In both instances, we stepped off a cliff together without looking like the Fool in most tarot card decks. We took a risk, molted out of our friendship, and transformed into something else. And there was that moment of recognition, where we both said "screw it," took a risk, and realized that you can't win big if you don't gamble big. And a shot at conjugal and emotional bliss is quite a prize.

The first time, we were in the middle of a "Friends" marathon, and we took a break so she could shower. She came back with wet hair, and I had never seen her without make-up and when she plopped onto the couch, I kissed her. We both freaked out:

She stormed into the kitchen; I paced in a circle. Then we decided to make out some more. It helped. The second was a friend who proved to me she was no princess at a party by shot-gunning a can of beer. I immediately told her that I was falling for her, and she told me to wear a helmet. She kissed me, our quiet garden of a friendship suddenly a wildfire.

I wouldn't say I'm friends with these women; we broke up for the reasons people break up -- changing priorities, the mean little pianos life drops on your head. Maybe we would have drifted apart regardless. We're not friends now, but I don't regret giving it a shot. Kisses are the only things you can steal and never have to give back. And at least I'll have those until the day I croak. ( thefrisky.com )

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Should we be worried about early puberty?

Should we be worried about early puberty? - Why are girls now regularly starting puberty aged eight and nine? And how easy is it to cope at primary school? Joanna Moorhead reports

Hannah only turned eight a couple of months ago – but she has already started puberty. Her mother, Liz, is shocked. "Over the last few weeks her nipples have suddenly become swollen. They're really painful for her – she finds it hard to put on a T-shirt or to hug people. We went to the doctor and he said it was hormonal changes linked to the onset of puberty. I was horrified. Hannah's a skinny little thing and I hadn't anticipated puberty for at least three more years."

The impact of early puberty on body image and self-esteem can be significant. Photograph: Bubbles Photolibrary / Alamy/Alamy

Yet puberty is arriving earlier and earlier. Last week it was reported boys' choirs were finding it hard to maintain their standards because they now lose experienced choristers much earlier – trebles who used to sing until the age of 15 or 16 are now having to stop at 12 or 13, because their voices are breaking.

Peter Hindmarsh, professor of paediatric endocrinology at Great Ormond Street Hospital in London, says it's harder to collect data on male puberty, and that reports of puberty starting earlier in boys are anecdotal. But for girls, the evidence is conclusive. "Between 1958 and 2005, breast development – the sign that puberty is starting in girls – moved about nine months ahead of where it used to be," he says. "Interestingly, though, the age at menarche (first period) hasn't moved much – from about 13 to about 12.8."

The average age for the onset of puberty is 10.75 years in girls, and 11.5 years in boys (the first sign for boys is an increase in testicular size). But more children than ever are being referred to specialists after their parents take them to their GPs with worries about the psychological and physical fallout of being ahead of their peer group.

The usually cited reason for the change is the increase in childhood body weight. Better nutrition lowers the age of puberty, partly because the hormone changes that initiate it are triggered by a child's body reaching a certain size. Now that an increasing number of children are overweight or obese, it's likely that this too is playing its part. "It is very likely that there is a link with increasing body weight, but the data is only just beginning to show that," says Hindmarsh. "It makes sense, though. In a time of plenty, a species which always has a strong vested interest in self-preservation tends to reproduce quickly."

One recent piece of research in the Journal of Adolescent Health, for example, found that girls whose biological father didn't live with them were more likely to start breast development sooner. It is not clear why – but some scientists have speculated that it might be to do with unrelated males such as a mother's boyfriend giving off pheromones that affect girls' biological clocks; or it might be the absence of a father sending a "danger – shortage of men" signal to the pre-pubescent girl's brain, triggering the hormone changes that will enable her to reproduce.

As Hindmarsh explains, "The age of sexual maturation is highly adaptable. The drive to continue the species is so strong that we have evolved a system that is extremely sensitive to change. If there's even a hint of change, or circumstances that might threaten the drive to procreate, then the hormone system is designed to adapt to that to create the circumstances most likely to result in offspring."

Other studies have found link-ups that, like the absent father finding, seem totally baffling. For example, an Australian study found that the more older brothers a girl has, the later she hits puberty. Another piece of research found a link between exposure to artificial light and TV screens and early puberty, and another connected early puberty to weak maternal bonding.

So, where our primeval evolutionary instincts meet the complexities of 21st-century living, puberty seems sometimes to be triggered early. Yet while we don't fully understand the mechanisms that are put into play, we are aware of the immense difficulties early puberty can cause. "For the children themselves, the big problem is that they stand out from their peers," says Hindmarsh. Because they are taller than their classmates, he says, "they may have difficulties fitting into the classroom furniture, and primary schools aren't always prepared for girls who are having periods."

"It's confusing, too, because the surge of female sex hormones come at a time when their brain isn't ready for it. Children at that age are normally still in a stage of childhood where they are into fantasy play, and the brain changes that are triggered by puberty are all about reality, and understanding that actions have long-term consequences. It's all very confusing for young children, and, in my experience, they often react by becoming withdrawn. Parents worry that they'll become precocious, but I don't see as much of that."

Dr Anna Symonds, a Midlands-based clinical psychologist, says that while it's tough enough for young girls to handle the mood swings and PMT that come with puberty, handling these while still at primary school and before their friends go through something similar, is even more difficult. "The impact on body image, and self-esteem, can also be significant," she says. "Children in this situation tend to be a lot bigger than the other children around them, so everyone is well aware that something is different. Things like gym lessons, and having to wear a bra before your classmates, make children very self-conscious."

Tam Fry of the Child Growth Foundation says his organisation fields far more calls from parents who are worried about premature puberty than it did five or 10 years ago. "Parents are very concerned, and it's easy to see why," he says. "We've all heard about supermarkets being hauled over the coals for selling push-up bras for eight-year-olds . . . and the fact that more eight-year-olds need bras is only going to make the problem worse.

"But it's not just a psychological and social problem; there are growth problems, too. The irony is that a girl who goes through puberty early will be a lot taller than her peers initially – but as an adult, she'll actually be shorter. That's because a girl's first period is a signal to the brain to slow growth down – so after this stage she might grow another two or three centimetres, but that will be it.

"So a girl who starts her periods early, even though she may seem tall at the time, will invariably go on to be short as an adult."

For Hannah's mother Liz, this is adding insult to injury. "The whole thing seems so unfair," she says. "Childhood goes so quickly anyway, and now Hannah is on the path to being grown up. I worry that growing breasts, and maybe starting her periods, before her friends will make her self-conscious."

Unfortunately, too, the story of early puberty isn't over once that life stage is completed: there's an increasing amount of research linking early puberty to a higher chance of getting breast cancer in later life – and there could be a higher risk of ovarian cancer and heart disease, too. It's not, on any reading of the situation, good news for today's little girls. ( guardian.co.uk )

READ MORE - Should we be worried about early puberty?

Real Couple Gripes And Likes

Real Couple Gripes & Likes: The Gripes.

Looking for Cheers"

My husband thinks he's so handy. I'll never forget one time when he mowed the lawn and left our beautiful, plush grass looking like Stevie Wonder had cut it. As if that wasn't bad enough, he wanted to be appreciated for all his hard work. And he was serious!" -- Robin

[Nest Tip] Praise his work or you'll never get him to mow the lawn again!

Breaking the Code

"My husband and I haven’t gotten into a good routine yet for going through our mail. So it builds up, and then he’ll say, ‘We really need to go through the mail.' What this really translates to is: ‘You really need to go through the mail.' He does this 'we' thing with other stuff like doing the dishes, laundry, etc. But 'we' only includes me!" -- Susan

[Nest Tip] Make a joke out of the situation so that your point is clear but doesn't start a crazy fight. Try saying something like, “How come ‘we’ ends up being me? I'm onto your system. But I'll do the mail if you do the dishes -- and then we'll really get something done." Then fill out a chore chart and make sure the mail gets assigned to one of you.

Leaving a Trail

"My wife's most annoying habit is that she's a picker -- she picks her nails, her nail polish, her cuticles. I'm always finding her polish chips on the bottom of the passenger seat of our car." -- Eric

[Nest Tip] Hold her hand every time you catch her picking. Or invest in a Dustbuster.

Blabber Mouth

"My husband can't keep a secret to save his life. He has no sense of holding some things back. For instance, I shared something personal and private about a friend with him, and, naturally, the next time we see her, he blurts it out right in front of her. He'll say, 'Yeah, my wife told me that.' I don't know if he forgets, isn't listening, or just doesn't care." -- Marjorie

[Nest Tip] If you're going to keep sharing, then make a mental note to remind him what he can’t say when you meet up with friends.

Patiently Waiting

"My husband is a huge procrastinator. He's been saying that he's going to clean out the garage since we moved into our house -- and that was more than a year ago! I admit that he's cleaned up some of it, but at this rate, it won’t be completely done until we move again." -- Carol

[Nest Tip] Go over your calendars together and schedule all to-dos -- yours and his. And make sure he knows you'll keep him company while he cleans. You might even lend a hand or two.

Backseat Viewer

"My wife watches TV shows that drive her crazy. She spends the whole hour critiquing everything, from the writing to the camera work, the acting, and even the actors' personal lives. And she wants me to care and be incensed too. I don’t get why she doesn’t just change the channel." -- David

[Nest Tip] Change the channel for her. Or turn off the TV.

Glass Is Half-empty

"My husband clips his fingernails and toenails on the couch and puts the waste in whatever empty cup he was drinking from. It makes getting refills a very dangerous activity!" -- Leah

[Nest Tip] Watch -- and wash -- all drinking devices!

( thenest.com )

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Making Couples Friends

Making Couples Friends. When my husband and I moved from New York City to Virginia, we knew absolutely no one in our new town. And, to make matters worse, we both work from home as freelance writers, so there was no office camaraderie to rely on for after-work bonding over drinks. We had to take matters into our own hands. Here are three ways we tried (and sometimes succeeded) to meet new friends.

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

Whatever happened to the friendly neighbors who see a moving truck and welcome you with a freshly baked pie? Considering the house next to ours is vacant, no one was introducing themselves, and I wasn't quite brave enough to go door-to-door looking for friends, I grabbed my husband and went to a neighborhood meeting.

There, between the elderly man complaining about the traffic in our neighborhood and the elderly woman worried about the stop sign in front of her home, was a friendly young woman who lives on our street with her husband and two young children. To be honest, she was the only other person under the age of 50, so we were sort of drawn to each other. We got to chatting about our town and how long we've been there, and really hit it off. But would our better halves take to each other too? If they didn't, the whole dream of group backyard barbecues would be shattered.

One Sunday, they invited us over for brunch, and we all got along famously. Since then, my husband and her husband have spent more time together than even us girls have. And as a foursome (plus their kids), we've had each other over for those backyard barbecues I dreamed of. Cha-ching!

Being Set Up

It's not quite as uncomfortable as the blind dates I occasionally endured in my single days, but blind dating as a couple can still feel like a walk on a tightrope. What will we talk about? What if we have nothing in common? At least this time we have each other.

Not long ago, a friend from New York hooked us up with a couple who had also moved to town recently. We had briefly met them once before, but we couldn't remember if we liked them. We set up a time to meet at a nearby restaurant (one that wasn't too expensive, but wasn't fast food, either), and waited to meet them there. Not sure we'd recognize them when they arrived, we all had that same clueless "Are you the people we're meeting?" look on our faces, so it was pretty obvious. Conversation flowed smoothly, mostly because the first "date" is always good for the "Where are you originally from?" and "Where do you work?" type questions. But it turned out there was no need to even worry about having things to talk about -- my husband and I both found them interesting and fun. Hopefully, this is the start of a beautiful friendship.

Interactive Friendships

My husband and I love being active and trying new sports. So when we heard about "beagling" -- which involves a group of people out in the country running after beagles that are chasing rabbits, all the while shouting "Tally-ho!" -- we knew we had to see what it was all about. We got dressed in our best guess at what beagling gear should be (hiking boots and windbreakers) and ventured out into the field.

Right after arriving, I noticed we were the youngest people by about 40 years (seems to be a theme with us) and thought to myself, this should be interesting. And interesting it was! I got to talking with an 80-year-old man as he scaled the barbed-wire fences along with the rest of us. He was going a little slower than the pack, though, so I hung back with him and heard all about his career as a rocket scientist working on the first nuclear bomb. As much as I enjoyed the conversation (and I really did), I couldn't picture saying, "Hey, do you wanna hang out sometime?" to someone who could've been my grandfather. So maybe beagling wasn't the best way to meet contemporaries who we can backyard barbecue with, but we still had fun. In fact, I hope I see my 80-year-old rocket scientist friend once next year's beagling season starts ( thenest.com )

READ MORE - Making Couples Friends

One in 10 children in England 'will be obese within five years'

One in 10 children in England 'will be obese within five years' . An estimated one in 10 children in England will be obese within five years, experts have predicted.

The rise is likely to be most dramatic in youngsters from poorer families, they warn.

Obesity can lead to serious health problems, including diabetes and certain forms of cancer, and reduce lifespan.

Experts have warned that today's obese children could live shorter lives than their parents because their weight is storing up illnesses for the future.

The new figures were released just a week after statistics suggested that the proportion of children becoming obese and overweight was levelling off.

But researchers from UCL say in their research that that trend is apparent only among more affluent children.

They found that in 2007 around seven per cent of children in England were obese.

If trends continue the experts estimate that by 2015 that figure will be 10 per cent, an almost 50 per cent rise.

The Government-sponsored Foresight report predicts that by 2050 up to half of adults and one quarter of children could be obese.

The researchers warn that health messages, such as the need to eat five pieces of fruit and vegetables a day or for children to take regular exercise, are harder to get across to poorer families.

They looked at obesity trends among two to 18-year-olds between 1995 and 2007.

“If trends continue as they have been between 1995 and 2007 in 2015 the number and prevalence of obese young people is projected to increase dramatically, and these increases will affect lower social classes to a larger extent,” say the authors of the report, published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health.

Last week figures showed that one in four children are now overweight or obese when they start school.

Obesity is calculated using the Body Mass Index (BMI), a ratio of weight in comparison to height.

A BMI score is calculated by dividing a person’s weight in kilograms by their height in metres squared.

A score of between 18 and 25 is considered normal, while 25 to 30 is overweight, 30 to 40 obese and over 40 morbidly obese. ( telegraph.co.u )

READ MORE - One in 10 children in England 'will be obese within five years'

Children eat four times the recommended calories on Christmas Day

Children eat four times the recommended calories on Christmas Day. Children can consume nearly four times their daily recommended amount of calories on Christmas Day alone, research has shown.

Childhood obesity experts at Leeds-based Carnegie Weight Management found that Christmas dinner, treats and other meals contained up to 6,000 calories - nearly four times what a five-year-old should eat in one day.

They warned that the weight gained by children over the festive season may take weeks or months to lose - with some never shifting the extra pounds.

Children can consume four times their recommended daily intake of calories at Christmas
Photo: GETTY

The study by the weight management programme, based at Leeds Metropolitan University, found that an average Christmas dinner can contain 956 calories and 48g of fat, while assorted desserts and treats add another 3,336 calories and 169.7g of fat.

Added to breakfast and any other extra meals or snacks and children are soon eating far more than is recommended in one day.

The 6,000-calorie total is around four times the 1,550-calorie limit recommended for a girl aged between four and six and is even more than twice the 2,775 daily allowance for teenage boys aged 15 to 18 years old.

Adults are also in danger of over-indulging, with daily recommended limits of 2,550 calories for men and 1,940 for women.

Carnegie Weight Management is now warning parents to recognise the dangers of such over-eating after a further study found that many wrongly think their children will grow out of obesity.

The research found that more than 40% of parents are not recognising weight problems in their offspring - with 16% blaming it on puppy fat, 14% claiming it is genetic and 11% thinking it is down to low metabolism.

The statistics have prompted experts at Carnegie, the longest-running programme for the treatment of overweight and obese children in Europe, to warn parents that not recognising weight problems in their children can lead to obesity levels continuing.

Paul Gately, director of Carnegie Weight Management, said: ''Puppy fat is no longer relevant to our children; they just don't grow out of it any more. In fact, half of overweight five-year- olds will grow up to be obese adults.

''I urge parents to seek advice early in order to understand the classifications of overweight and obesity and access services.''

Christmas Day calorie totals:

CHRISTMAS DINNER:

• :: Roast turkey (90g) - 149 calories
• :: Roast potatoes (85g) - 127 calories
• :: Stuffing (100g) - 231 calories
• :: Bread sauce (45g) - 42 calories
• :: Roast parsnips (90g) - 102 calories
• :: Boiled carrots - 14 calories
• :: Boiled Brussels sprouts - 32 calories
• :: Gravy (50g) - 17 calories
• :: Cranberry sauce (30g) - 45 calories
• :: Pork sausage (20g) - 62 calories
• :: Bacon (40g) - 135 calories

TOTAL: 956 calories

EXTRAS:

• :: 1 slice of Christmas cake (70g) - 249 calories
• :: 1 portion of chocolate log (30g) - 101 calories
• :: 1 portion of cheese and biscuits - 394 calories
• :: 1 portion of mixed nuts (40g) - 243 calories
• :: 1 portion Christmas pudding (100g), custard and brandy butter - 587 calories
• :: 1 mince pie and double cream - 368 calories
• :: 3 Quality Streets - 133 calories
• :: 5 Chocolate Fingers - 150 calories
• :: Average Selection Box - 1,111 calories

TOTAL: 3,336 calories

OTHER MEALS AND SNACKS:

TOTAL: 1,708 calories

Recommended calories per day:

• :: Age 4 to 6: 1,700 (male), 1,550 (female)
• :: Age 7 to 10: 1,970 (male), 1,845 (female)
• :: Age 11 to 14: 2,220 (male), 1,845 (female)
• :: Age 15 to 18: 2,775 (male), 2,110 (female)
• :: Adults: 2,550 (male), 1,940 (female)

( telegraph.co.uk )

READ MORE - Children eat four times the recommended calories on Christmas Day

British children’s fitness levels 'falling twice as fast as international average'

British children’s fitness levels 'falling twice as fast as international average'. The fitness levels of British children are falling twice as fast as the global average despite the Government spending more than £1.5 billion to encourage them to become more active, a new study shows.

Youngsters in Britain today are significantly less fit than they were a decade ago – with their increasingly sedentary lifestyles to blame, according to the research.

Children’s fitness in the UK has declined by eight per cent, compared to an average of only four per cent for the rest of the world.

The researchers described the fall as "large and worrying" and warned that the Government’s focus on children’s weight could have led to serious fitness problems being overlooked.

Their study – published in the Archives of Disease in Childhood journal – will fuel concerns about the selling-off of school playing fields under Labour and the health consequences for the so-called "PlayStation generation".

Critics accused the Government of presiding over the decline of school sports and said the recent investment of billions of pounds to encourage them to become more active was clearly not working.

Fewer than one in three children now play competitive sport and activities like yoga and circus skills are increasingly taking over school PE lessons, official figures show.

Around 2,000 school playing fields have also been sold off since Labour came to power in 1997, with another 15 estimated to be lost every month.

The latest study found British boys were nine per cent less fit than they were 10 years ago – with girls’ fitness having declined by seven per cent.

The researchers used ‘shuttle runs’ to test the children’s cardiovascular fitness – usually defined as how efficiently the heart, lungs and other parts of the body deliver oxygen to muscle tissue to aid endurance and prolong physical activity.

They tested 300 10-year-old schoolchildren in 1998 and another 300 in 2008 – and said even slim children were significantly less fit.

They also warned that falling activity levels could be even worse for children’s health than being heavily overweight and said schools should monitor not just size and weight, but fitness.

Dr Gavin Sandercock, from the Centre for Sports and Exercise Science at the University of Essex, who carried out the research in an affluent area in Chelmsford, said "less active" lifestyles were to blame for the decline.

"Children are not doing as much physical activities as before. They are using their spare time to play more computer games, more time watching TV, or more time online.

"They don’t climb trees any more, they don’t use their bikes any more.

"I read last week that Britain is highly up-to-date with technology, with more computers-per-household than anywhere else in Europe – but that means our kids are playing more computers. The drop in fitness is very, very large."

He added that recent studies suggested children could be spending up to one quarter of their waking lives in front of a television or computer screen.

In 1998, no national strategy was in place for school sports, with schools left to decide how much exercise to provide.

However, since 2002 the Government has spent more than more than £1.5 billion on schemes to encourage sports in schools.

They have also invested £75 million in the flagship Change For Life programme designed to encourage healthier, more active lifestyles, which is particularly targeted at children. But opposition politicians said the money had clearly failed to address the problems.

Mike Penning, the shadow health minister, said: "While many are rightly concerned about the future health of the nation as measured by levels of childhood obesity, this is not the only indicator of children’s health.

"These figures confirm that children’s fitness is falling at an alarming rate – reflecting the Government’s continued failure to support families in maintaining healthy, active lifestyles through regular exercise."

Norman Lamb, the Liberal Democrat health spokesman, added: "It is hopeless to just focus on children’s weight.

"Fitness is incredibly important for all sorts of medical conditions and even children’s mental health.

"There needs to be a much stronger commitment to get youngsters more active, including in schools in PE and games lessons.

"Ministers should make a commitment to ensure that the legacy of the Olympics will be managing to reverse this disturbing trend."

Youngsters are now weighed once a year in school and figures show that one in five children is obese or overweight when they start primary school, rising to one in three by the age of 11.

Today’s study warns however, that fitness may be more important than weight to children’s overall health as being fit can reduce the health risks associated with obesity.

The Government has said that by 2011, all five to 16-year-olds will be offered five hours of sport a week in schools. Those aged 16 to 19 will be offered three hours.

A spokesman for the Department of Heath said last night: "Tackling childhood obesity and promoting physical activity is a priority for the Government.

"If we are going to turn the tide on obesity for good, our children need to be active for 60 minutes a day – including what they already do at school." ( telegraph.co.uk )

READ MORE - British children’s fitness levels 'falling twice as fast as international average'