We loved Charlie Sheen as a crazy addict

We loved Charlie Sheen as a crazy addict - Some coexisting contradictions to ponder - Two and a Half Men is the most popular sitcom on network television, a Top 10 show that draws in upwards of 13 million viewers weekly, and one that earns CBS millions upon millions of dollars through advertising revenue and syndication rights. And. Two and a Half Men is one of the worst shows on television, a laugh-track stocked water hole that attracts the comedic herd before taking down the slow, the old and the feeble with obvious double entendres, recycled plot lines, horrendous acting and, most importantly, jokes concerning genitalia.

Or this: Charlie Sheen's current situation is a fascinating and highly entertaining public spectacle of a personal and career meltdown, and it's impossible to turn away from, with all of its wondrously salacious details about celebrities, porn stars, violent outbursts, drug addiction, Hollywood infighting, anti-Semitism, papal assassins and Martian rock stars. And. Charlie Sheen's ongoing woes are the sad, tragic and sometimes sickening tale of a real human being -a father, a son, and someone who seems to be in deep, desperate need of private, professional help despite and possibly because of how wealthy and famous he is.


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Charlie Sheen (aka Carlos Irwin Estevez) attends his court appearance on March 15, 2010 in Aspen, Colorado. Sheen has reportedly been hospitalized for psychological evaluation early this morning, October 26, after hotel security called police to his suite at the Plaza Hotel in New York City.


Finally: Charlie Sheen is crazy. And. Charlie Sheen is perfectly sane.

All of these contradictions and more are part of the current train wreck being played out before our eyes and ears on seemingly every network, radio station, newspaper, magazine and website, with every passing hour offering a new nugget of wacky from the mouth of Sheen, himself, as he attempts to explain himself and "win" the war, while only really digging himself deeper, providing more gossip fodder and increasing the negative opinion many have of him.

(Really, though, his worst offence during this media blitz is that he's single-handedly attempting to turn the clock back 30 years by bringing back Valley Girl speak with his egregious use of the words "gnarly" and "bitchin'.")

And, along those lines, here's one more to chew on: Taking in the sound bites, plucking out all of those wonderful quotes about "fire breathing fists" and "tiger blood," the actor sounds like the scabby guy who rubs up against you on the bus with breath like feet.

But watching Sheen answer questions, watching him converse for a full straight hour, as he did Monday on CNN's Piers Morgan Tonight, it's impossible not to be struck by the fact that he actually makes sense.

Seriously. He's become his character in Ferris Bueller's Day Off: grizzled, delinquent, but reasoned.

Granted, a sit-down with Morgan is the interview equivalent of a quadriplegic pillow fight, as he didn't really grill Sheen so much as gently chide him like a kindly, gout-ridden uncle while allowing him to reiterate, perhaps more clearly and with less manic energy, the points he first made on the radio show of his friend, the koo-koo conspiracy theorist Alex Jones (Google this wizard's name, sit back, and enjoy the tidal wave of tinfoil hat paranoia).

Shall we recap those points? One: Sheen is a major reason the ludicrously awful Two and a Half Men is so popular. Two: He is not a drug addict. Three: The only person he's harming is himself.

And four: He is living a pretty wonderful life.

Hard not to concede that first point. It's certainly not Chuck Lorre's sledgehammer dumb dialogue or, as Sheen noted, the "pee" and "poo" jokes. Nor is it that guy who played Duckie, Molly Ringwald's gay friend in Pretty in Pink. Or that kid who started off sort of dumpy and cute, but has now followed the same child actor trajectory of Tina Yothers. Sheen and his recent woes certainly haven't hurt the ratings, in fact, have probably only boosted them, so, rather than cynically crediting the general stupidity of the North American teevee viewer, let's chalk that up as a point for Charlie.

As for the drug addict thing, well, that's a little more difficult, and it also probably feeds into the third point. Sheen has admitted to drug use. Crazy coke binges. He also says -and the network agreed -that he never showed up to work high, and that any of the alleged violent incidents -the knife to the throat of his wife, the escort trapped in the hotel closet -were blown out of proportion and subsequently dismissed, for the most part, by law officials. He's also adamant that his children were never witness to any of his debauchery.

Now he says he's clean, that he dried himself out through willpower, and the only drug he's on is the most powerful one there is: Charlie Sheen.

Denial? Possibly. But without the dime-store psychology diploma awarded to Dokter Drew, it's impossible to actually offer a diagnosis without actually sitting down with the man.

That said, talking with Cheryl Korneychuk-Waddy, a full-time counsellor at the Calgary Counselling Centre and a registered social worker, her take on the power to deal with or cure one's own addiction without the help of a 12-step program doesn't entirely dispute Sheen's claim but does bring up a bigger issue.

"For the human being, if we don't have that thought that we can do things on our own, I don't think people will try it," says Korneychuk-Waddy, who admits to her own contradictory love/ hate relationship with Sheen and his show.

"Realistically, I believe it can happen. I believe you can but it would be a lot of self-exploration and a lot of self work. So in relation to Charlie Sheen and if he has done that or not -and of course I can't speak to that -but that might be something that is questionable in this short amount of time. . . " she continues, noting that the addictions are secondary to what the primary issue usually is. "Has he really detoxed himself or has he cured himself? I would question that."

So, until we can get Sheen on the couch, perhaps we'll call both of these points something of a draw, but at least allow him the fact he may have begun reining in his substance use, which is backed up, perhaps, by a negative urine test he's whipping out during interviews.

As for the wonderful life? That, perhaps, is in the eye of the beholder.

"People can adapt to their contentment with life, because alcoholism and addiction is adaptable, right?" says Korneychuk-Waddy, who prefers the word "ignorance" to "denial."

"You start to change your lifestyle and the people you hang around with so that it's all justifiable."

Which, come to think of it, could explain the "goddesses" he's currently surrounding himself with and the stable of adult film stars. But it doesn't fully dispel his own belief that he's "winning." For proof he points to many different factors. He's rich. He's famous. He has a family/families that love him. Friends who are there for him. Women that will love him for a fee and in hourly/ daily increments. He obviously doesn't care what the rest of the world thinks about him. And he's doing whatever the hell he wants, no matter how depraved it is or dangerous to his own personal well-being.

Sure, it ain't no George Bailey, but at the end of the day, who can lay claim to anything close to the Capra-esque dream?

So. Another split. And another contradiction: Charlie Sheen's a loser. And. Charlie Sheen's a winner.

And ultimately isn't that why we even know who he is, why he was, until recently, employed by CBS? Sheen has always been a bad-boy, with his predilection for partying and paying for company dating back to the days of Heidi Fleiss. The network, the millions of viewers and, yes, even Lorre and the rest of the Men writers, bought into that image and embraced it, in an only slightly sanitized form. It was funny when accompanied by a terrible punchline and pre-recorded hooting and hollering, and it was winked at because everyone knew it wasn't too far from the truth.

Now that he's been taken entirely out of the context of the show, but is still, in essence, the same character delivering those same lines, it's also the reason most newscasts are leading off with the story, experts are being consulted, hourly updates being Tweeted, pieces like this are being penned, and career obituaries are being readied. We've raised ourselves entirely above the situation, and instead of being a part of joke, he somehow is the joke. (
Postmedia News )



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