Resolutions for a Better Sex Life in 2011 - The year 2010 saw the end to a decade that had a few really tough years. If you found yourself stuck in a sex rut and “slumping it" rather than “doing it,” you're not alone: The anxiety and stress of the recession is a major libido-killer, especially for men.
No one knows for sure what 2011 will bring, but at Good in Bed we want you to live your love life to the fullest.
To that end, here are 11 resolutions to get your sex life going in full swing:
1. Have sex at least once a week.
It sounds obvious, and it’s easier said than done. By some estimates, more than 40 million Americans are stuck in sexless marriages and there’s truth to the phrase "use it or lose it" – people who go without sex for extended periods of time often develop a "dearth of drive" as natural testosterone levels lower. Sex is a little like exercise. Once we stop doing it, it’s easy to get stuck in a slump, but once we get back on track, we remember how much we missed it. So my suggestion, “try it, you'll like it.” It's easy to forget how much fun sex can be, and just doing it once a week will put you back in a regular groove. And if you need some ideas for spicing up your weekly rendezvous, check out my new book, 52 Weeks of Amazing Sex.
2. Engage in choreplay.
The concept of “choreplay”— that women are more likely to want to have sex when their male partner helps out around the house — is a hot topic in research circles. One recent study from the University of Western Ontario found that wives are happier when their husbands pitch in with housework. Another report from researchers at the University of Illinois at Chicago even suggests men who help clean, take care of their kids, and do other domestic chores may see the benefits of their labor pay off in the bedroom.
If you’re already pitching in, more power to you.
3. Go for 20-second hugs.
All it takes is a 20-second hug to get the "cuddle hormone” oxytocin flowing in women and facilitate a sense of connection. Men need to be hugged three times as much as women to get to similar levels, so go for a full minute of hugging once a day. Non-sexual intimacy is for keeping “in touch” with your partner and laying the foundation for a healthy sex life.
4. Take a porn break.
There’s a thin line between pleasure and problem, especially with the easy access of Internet porn. Some experts estimate that men are masturbating 50 to 500 percent more than they would normally. Too much can deplete your libido and lead to a lack of mojo – if you’re masturbating frequently, you may end up being less into sex with your partner and not putting enough time into romance, foreplay and your connection with your partner.
5. Be more positive.
Studies show that the difference between those relationships that succeed and those that fail is the ability to have a high ratio of positive to negative interactions. It's actually believed that the ratio should be 5 to 1 — five positive interactions for every negative one. Now obviously, we can't go around counting our interactions, but we can intuit if we're largely in the positive or swinging toward the negative. To have a great sex life, you have to be in the sort of relationship that supports having a great sex life, so work on what’s happening outside of the bedroom.
6. Spend at least 21 minutes on foreplay.
The simple fact is that the male orgasm typically comes easier than a woman’s. The late Dr. Alfred C. Kinsey, famous for interviewing thousands about their sex lives, declared that 75 percent of men ejaculate within two minutes. And in a recent study from the AUA, 1 out of 3 men suffer from premature ejaculation, a topic that I’ve written about extensively for Fox News. Is it any surprise, then, that researchers from the University of Chicago declared that men reach orgasm during intercourse far more consistently than do women, and that three-fourths of men, but less than one-third of women, always have orgasms?
That means more than two out of three women on average are consistently denied their climax. But studies such as those by Kinsey and Masters & Johnson have concluded that, among women whose partners spent 21 minutes or longer on foreplay, only 7.7 percent failed to reach orgasm consistently. That’s a shift of tectonic proportions, from two out of three women not being able to reach climax to nine out of ten achieving satisfaction, all because of a matter of minutes.
7. Keep it fresh.
After you’ve had sex with the same person at least 1,000 times, it’s easy to fall into a routine. There are two types of sexual arousal — mental and physical. In the beginning of a relationship, we have no shortage of sexy thoughts and feelings that turn us on and create a sense of sexual anticipation, but after a while the mental component can easily fade and we rely on physical stimulation. We know each other’s bodies and we know how to get where we’re going, but we don’t know how to appreciate the journey anymore. That’s when it becomes time to introduce some new routes and paths to pleasure.
8. Stay healthy.
A person’s sexual health and overall health are intimately connected. Diet, stress, nutrition, exercise and medication all play a big role in sexual desire. If either you or your partner isn’t taking care of your health, your sex life could quickly go down the drain. Eat for your heart and for your libido. Don’t just eat to live, eat to love. Exercise also increases metabolism, blood flow and the release of endorphins — all of nature’s natural aphrodisiacs.
9. Share a fantasy or two.
Sigmund Freud gave fantasy a bad name back in 1908 when he said, "A happy person never fantasizes, only a dissatisfied one." But research shows that people with active fantasy lives are more sexually satisfied, more sexually responsive and more adventurous about sex in general. Not bad. Kaye Wellings, a respected British biologist, puts it best in her book "First Love, First Sex:"
"Fantasies perform a valuable function. Most of us, most of the time, behave conservatively, sexually and otherwise. Our erotic experiences represent only the tip of the iceberg in terms of possibilities. Many possibilities only see the light of day through fantasies or dreams, seldom as reality."
10. Ladies first, gentlemen.
When it comes to satisfying a woman, a little old-fashioned chivalry goes a long way. Lest you think the importance of such courtesy is over-exaggerated, direct your attention to Lorena Bobbitt who, when questioned by police as to why she cut off her husband’s penis, responded, “He always have orgasm [sic] and doesn’t wait for me to have orgasm. He's selfish.” Need one say more? So take the path of the true gentleman: Postpone your pleasure.
11. Unplug.
What’s the point of making all of these resolutions if we don’t actually make the time to have sex? Sure it’s easier said than done, with careers and kids filling our days and nights; but lately we seem to be winding down on respective laptops, so in 2011 turn off the technology, tune in… and hopefully turn on. ( foxnews.com )
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