"I didn't want my friends and former colleagues to feel put on the spot," says Matthews, a freelance writer. "While I needed their help, I wanted to do it without putting them in an awkward position."
But successful networking doesn't mean milking your contacts for all they're worth, says Katharine Hansen, career consultant and author of "A Foot in the Door."
"Networking is most effective when both the networker and their contact can benefit from the relationship." A
simple way to get over the fear of networking is to ask for something people love to give: advice.
"Asking for advice is a great way to open the conversation -- people love to feel important," Hansen says. Advice can range from professional: "Do you know a good extrusion molding company I could contact?" to personal: "I was looking at getting a new hybrid... how do you like your car?"
Matthews used that technique to build awareness of her company and subtly put out feelers for new clients.
"When our Web site was completed, I sent the almost-finished link to a few key contacts. I asked them for feedback and constructive criticism about the design, but what I really wanted was for them to know that I was open for business."
Hansen says that professional groups and volunteering can be two great ways to network in a comfort zone.
"Look for the person standing alone -- chances are they would love to be approached. Making eye contact with people throughout the room and smiling will encourage them to gravitate to you."
When Patrick Simpson was laid off from his job in telecommunications a few years ago, he found the quickest route to success was networking with recruiters -- even when he wasn't right for the job.
"It's a tough job trying to stay on someone's radar screen, especially when you're dealing with busy recruiters," he says. "When a job wasn't quite right for me, I made their job easier by giving them a few leads for the right person. That helped me get the first call when a new position became available."
These connections can often open other networking doors.
"Whenever I recommend a friend for an open position. I make sure to drop them a line and let them know," Simpson says. That helps me reconnect with people and know what their responsibilities and job positions are."
By offering something of value to a potential contact, or by following up with some information they can use, you open the door to a two-way line of communication.
Here are five things that you can do:
- Send contacts a newspaper/magazine article relating to their business or industry.
- Offer them contact information for someone they might be able to work with.
- Ask for their help with a project such as coordinating a speaker, arranging the next meeting location, or holding an office for an organization you're involved with. Even if they don't accept, they think you respect their skills.
- Give a general recommendation that shows you remembered your conversation. "You mentioned your husband enjoys photography. There's an exhibit this weekend... "
- When all else fails, follow up with a general "great to meet you" e-mail, listing your phone and e-mail information and opening the door to future contact.
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