Is there a woman out there who isn't a little bit haunted by that "one who got away"? You know: the ex you regret breaking up with, or the guy friend you had a secret crush on in high school, or the hot summer fling you wish had turned into more ... Oh well, he's nice to fantasize about occasionally, but he's a lost cause, right?
Not necessarily. In fact, "retrosexual romances" seem to be the hottest hook-up trend out there — courtesy of Facebook and other social networking sites that make it super-easy to reconnect with an old flame. But should you? Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, shares the deets on whether to dig back into the past, and, if you do, how to work a happy reunion.
1. Before contacting your ex, ask yourself two key questions.
First, do you truly harbor feelings for him — or are you possibly just bored or sick of being single? Don't go there unless you're positive you're still into him. Second, was your past relationship with him healthy? It's much easier to recall all the great things about a guy than to bring to mind the bad stuff, like how you fought all the time or how unmotivated he was. Make an honest assessment of your past bond to avoid falling back into a negative situation.
2. If your answer to both questions was "yes", go ahead and reach out.
Start off super-casual to take the temperature of things. Say something like, "It was so nice to see your name on Facebook! How are you?" His response will reveal a lot. If his reply is short and curt ("Hey there, hope all's well.") that's not a good sign. If he's effusive (think exclamation points or a smiley face) and asks you questions about yourself, that's a green light to take things a step further.
3. One last thing before asking him out: Figure out whether he's single.
If he doesn't list his relationship status online, check out his Facebook photos to see whether the same girl reappears in various cozy poses with him. Or you can subtly feel him out by asking, in a Facebook message or e-mail, about old friends you both had, and then segue into a conversation about his personal life in general. Hopefully his love situation will come up.
4. Good response so far? Suggest a short, low-key meet-up, like going out for coffee.
It's neutral, so you're not putting yourself on the line too much if the romantic interest isn't there on his part. Or, propose revisiting one of your old haunts, like the bar where you used to meet after work, or your favorite Thai restaurant from back in the day. Being in that familiar environment will trigger memories of the past.
5. During your rendezvous, casually reminisce about funny, romantic, or exciting times you had together — like a fantastic trip you took or how you first met.
It'll conjure up the feelings you had then. And find a way to subtly make physical contact, like letting your knees touch his under the table. Notice if he pulls away or relaxes into you.
6. Wait, don't carried away quite yet!
Remind yourself of why things didn't work out the first time around and look for clues to whether things would be any different now. If you broke up because he partied too hard, for instance, notice how much he drinks or how he talks about his nightlife. It would be a bummer to get back together only to discover that the same problems are still haunting you. So take it slow and trust your gut. ( msn.com )
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